One of my favorite business trips is San Francisco to Los Angeles. After all it's only one hour in the air! Oooops, I forgot about the six hours on the ground.
Let's not bore you with the usual horror stories of traffic, missed taxis and car pileups on the freeway. Today's rant is strictly educational. It's all about tips, tricks, and techniques for handling the infamous airport lineup.
First you should actually arrive early. Skip breakfast and bring a thermos and lunch bag for lineups. Avoid the little auto check-in kiosks at all costs. The airlines will hate me for this, but the feeling is mutual, when it comes to the kiosks that ate my reservations, deleted my seat selection, and stopped working on the last screen.
Here is the most important thing: Know when to butt in.
Even the airlines encourage it. If you are about to miss your flight, they actually advise going to the front, identifying yourself and getting yourself checked in. This is because butts in seats, and minimizing rescheduling, have a lot of value to the carriers.
Second most important thing: No sense of humor in the security line up.
No jokes about:
- Are you sure you want my boots? I haven't done a heel bomb in ages
- What is that? That is my paint gun real-life replica of an Uzi
(my brother tried this one, no kidding; he would have done a lot better with FedEx)
- My face is so wrinkled, that I need more than an ounce of face cream
- That water bottle is to keep me hydrated because of my infectious cholera
Third most important thing: Rent-A-Car
Get out on the Highway. Looking for adventure. And whatever comes your way.